A statistic published by eHarmony stated about 50% of men and 39% of women cheat in relationships. That’s a huge percentage! The continuous and fast-paced growth of human interaction with the digital world has made cheating more common and easier to do. Obsessing over Facebook photos, sending nude photos over data messaging, and private Instagram messaging are just a few ways that people can sneak around.
I want to share five tips that really helped me come to terms with my breakup to help you move on too and get your confidence back! Healing doesn’t happen overnight and even after you enter a new relationship you may still struggle with negative thoughts, doubts and trust issues, but that’s okay. It takes time and you need to be patient with yourself :).
1. Recognize What They Did Was Not Your Fault
You might find thoughts creeping into your mind about what you did wrong, or you might criticize yourself. These thoughts can keep you emotionally chained, which is really not what you want. If your boyfriend/girlfriend is continuously cheating on you, that’s a sign of their character. You must accept the first truth: everyone is responsible for their own actions. They did what they did because they chose to and that’s not your fault.
2. You’re in Control Now
It is not selfish to leave a cheating partner. You might feel like you owe them a second chance, but honey, you don’t! They’ve already broken the foundation of your relationship. Take some time to consider what the future might be like. Ask yourself: “Do I really want to be with someone who isn’t content? Don’t I want someone who is honest and true? Is this broken relationship worth more than a fresh start? How has this anxiety and grief affected my health? Do I want that in my life?” Trust your ability to make your own choices and do what’s right. You may not have control over what happens to you, but you do have control over how you choose to respond.
3. Say Goodbye to Second Chances
It might be really hard to let them go because you’ve invested time, emotions and various efforts into it. Your families might even be involved and that can get really confusing and upsetting. That being said, leftover feelings or not wanting them to be with anyone else, are not good reasons to keep the relationship going. Healthy relationships require mutual hard work and mutual commitment.
Consider what this second chance will mean to them — are they genuinely remorseful and willing to cut this out of their life? Or are they toying with your emotions and shedding tears for a “get out of jail free” card? Remember this decision isn’t up to them — you’ve got the power!
4. Download Healthy Thoughts, Delete Harmful Ones
Letting your negative thoughts run free is a slippery slope and we have all been there once or twice! Your thoughts become your perspective, which affects your actions. Think hopeless thoughts and life will appear dreary and depressing. Depression makes it so hard to get out of sinkholes like this breakup and that’s why you have to choose positive thoughts to meditate on daily. Tell those negative thoughts to SCRAM and throw a party for the nice ones. Make a list, post it on your wall, create an inspiration board, put up pictures of your friends, write a journal about something good you did each day, watch puppy videos, pray with a friend, ask your family members to share a funny story from your childhood… STAY POSITIVE!
5. CARPE DIEM!
After I found out what happened all I wanted to do was hide in my room and cry until my tear ducts dried up. But I knew there was nothing I could do to change what happened and sitting around moping for weeks wouldn’t help me move on or feel any better. When you’re at rock bottom, you have nowhere else to go except up. So get up. See your friends, try a new restaurant, watch a TV series with your family, enjoy a musical drive around your neighborhood, dream about the future, pamper yourself, pray every night, talk to people about it, do something kind for a stranger, find a new hobby, listen to different music, remove everything that reminds you of the past and replace it. There are a thousand things you can to do make every day count. Don’t let anyone steal your joy!
Prayer and reconnecting with my true friends helped me a lot. When I started to see my worth through Jesus’ eyes instead of my own, it got a lot easier to look in the mirror. It was invaluable to me to have the love, support, comfort, prayers and guidance of my friends and family. I still have moments where I wrestle with my thoughts but I’m learning that the hardest experiences in life are the ones that shape us the most. I started off as a pretty ball of clay, and after this happened I was mashed up and ugly, but once I accepted that I am a work in progress, I started to appreciate the awkward ridges and grooves. I’m letting go and letting life shape me.