Journals

Bittersweet Goodbyes

That’s it. Tonight is the last night I’ll be sleeping in this room like it’s mine. My home is going to be a new, strange place, and it’s finally hitting me. I won’t wake up to hear my parents talking in the kitchen, or smell dad’s coffee as I walk down the stairs. I won’t be there when Gramma has a funny joke she wants to share that she saw on the Internet. When mom comes home after work and wants to watch The Voice, I won’t be there to sit beside her and hum along or critique the performances. I won’t be there to check in on my sister as she sits on her legs in her room in that cute way she does, and vent to her about my day. I won’t get to hear my brother’s clever daily insults that are really so brilliant that I can’t even be mad. I won’t be there to watch my cat do stupid things and look adorable the whole time.

So many things are going to be different when I wake up… My life may never be the same. While excitement is my dominating emotion, there’s a small part of me that feels sad to leave this part of my life behind. I’m the home girl. I’m the last one we thought would leave the nest. I’m the one who gets homesick first. Yet here I go, moving five hours away to be my own person.

But I have peace in all of it because I know God has provided me with this opportunity, and He’s got something incredible for me to learn, see, and experience. Maybe He’s got a big challenge for me too, or a few, but He’s in control and I’m free to flow with His plan.

Goodbyes are never easy, even if it’s not so far, and never for too long. This could be the hardest thing I’ve done, or it could be the greatest accomplishment I’ve ever made. But I’m never alone and preparing for this move has revealed to me just how many people support and care about me. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for all of the love and appreciation shown to me… I could cry but I’m keeping it together. For now.

Whatever this change brings, whatever 2018 brings, I know that with God, and these incredible people in my life, everything will be better than okay. So, although this is my last official night here, with this being my only home space, I’ll never forget the safety, love, and joy I’ve felt in this home. And I’ll carry that light with me to my new one. And if home is where the heart is, I’ll always be home when I think about the ones I love.

So, goodnight homebody life. Tomorrow it’s time for something new. You’re ready.

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