12/24/17

For the first time in several months I had a moment of frustration. I’ve been on a really amazing run of peace in all my circumstances, joy and hope about my future, and excitement for the opportunities God has been providing for me. But this evening, an unfortunate consequence of a poor decision I made a few years ago seemed to be haunting me again, bringing fear back into my mind. I worried that if this situation wasn’t handled the way I thought it logically should, that I would have to bear the weight of this inconvenience for a while longer. That feeling of frustration started boiling within me and as it was coming to the surface I could almost feel a spring of hot tears burning behind my eyes.

I knew that if I let myself go down that spiral, it would ruin my Christmas Eve night with my family, and would put me in a mood that might even carry into tomorrow. Recognizing this, I went for a moment alone. I needed something positive to fill my mind with, that would replace these negative thoughts and redirect my perspective.

I turned to Matthew 5 and 6 where Jesus talks about dealing with anger and loving your enemies. While I don’t necessarily have enemies, the principle was valuable. In these chapters he talks about not even thinking of someone else as a fool, and not allowing anger to grow in your heart towards another person. It also says we shouldn’t repay anyone evil, if they do unkind or evil things to us.

These ways of dealing with conflict don’t come naturally. Evidently, they tend to go against our nature, as our first instinct is usually to put up our dukes and defend ourselves. But we never find peace dealing with conflict that way, and I want peace. So, I let those words of wisdom sink in and began to pray. I prayed that I would find peace in my circumstances, that God would help me deal with whatever the consequences would be, and guide me through it so that everything would be okay. And I also asked Him to shape my attitude to make me full of grace, forgiving, patient, and free, so that this situation wouldn’t frustrate me or make me anxious anymore.

It was like the weight immediately lifted off my chest.

Sometimes we are faced with challenging and frustrating situations that we cannot control. In these times, our mental and emotional peace can turn into uncertainty and pain. Although we may not be able to escape our consequences, we can always change the way we perceive them. Sometimes that means seeking wisdom, so we have a light to guide us back to positivity and peace. Prayer is a helpful tool that can help us to release those negative feelings, and get us to a state of serenity. To me, that’s incredible, because although nothing changed from the moment that got me frustrated until now, my perspective did.

Gratitober: A Month-Long Blog Series Dedicated to Thankfulness, Entry 1

In the midst of a lot of horrible things happening around the world, I’ve decided that for this month of October 2017 I will write one blog a day on something I am grateful for. The intention of this series is two-fold: first, to encourage me to write creatively again after the jokingly stern, yet necessary nudge of my sister-in-law-to-be; secondly, to maintain, nurture and develop the habit of finding the good in every circumstance. If you’d like to join me, comment something you’re grateful for in the comment section of each of my daily posts! They will be shared on my Instagram account and my Facebook page. Here’s to a month of gratitude! Hello Gratitober!

.

.

.

For my first day of posting, I’m going to give you two blog posts of things I’m grateful for. (I realize I did not post yesterday, my bad!). But without further ado, here is gratitude entry the first.

1. I am grateful to exist in the exact location and time that I do.

I was born at the San Fernando General Hospital in February 1990 in Trinidad and Tobago. Several years later my family moved to Ontario, Canada, around where I’ve lived for most of my life. An impossible number of incredible details had to occur for me to even be conceived. If you’ve ever thought about the insanely minuscule probability of each human to exist… one healthy egg and about 100 million sperm… *mind blown.* And then go back to the probability of your parents meeting exactly how and when they did… all the variables that led them to each other to love each other and create you. And then go back to their own impossibly amazing conceptions and all the events that had to occur so that their own parents would meet and create them. Keep going back and the image gets more and more outstanding. I am tremendously grateful for the series of events from the creation of the world until now that led to my existence. Why? Because I have already experienced a whole scale of wonderful and terrible human experiences, and each of those instances has shaped, and molded me into the person I am today. And because of that past I get to wake up each morning with the hope that I have a new day for new experiences to continue to mold me into the person I strive to become. Life is so precious and beautiful and the fact that each of us is alive right now is evidence that miracles do exist.